I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
