Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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