I hope mine doesn't look like that
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
