Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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