happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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