whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
