I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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