Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
