she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
