Are we in a gay sports bar?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
