Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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