Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
