i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
