Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
