hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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