Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
