There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
