I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
