I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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