Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
