Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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I want to fling myself into the sun
Dicks are not precious.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize