She is in my trunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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