wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
