the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
