and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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