wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
