Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
