I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
