Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
