it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
