That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
