I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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