so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize