Where is the hickey?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
