i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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