Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
