$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
