i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
