OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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