You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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