What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
