im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
