ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
