so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
