I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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