I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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