His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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