I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
