I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
