nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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