a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
