You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
