Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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