So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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