"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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