you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
