after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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