you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
