Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
