U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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