Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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