Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
