My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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