I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
